thank you my lovelies

yesterday was a wretched day.
quite indeed.
i hate to blow up like that, but there's only so much one can take.
(add in the whole weak bridge metaphor here)
it's like...
i get so confident, and then i plummet down into scaryland.
i get so overly confident, i get sick!
i had the shakes bad last night. i felt nauseous. i took my nighttime dose of pills and that helped - alot.
and crying about it to your ex only mixes more confusion into it all.
even though he says he'll be here for me after he leaves, i'll still really be alone 'up in here in Green Bay'.
it's so shitty to move here with someone and then have him just fucking strand you.
now, it's like, survivalist mode has to kick in. fuck.
i was so apathetic yesterday. i didn't care much about anything. this as well made me feel quite sick too.
it's like i need to feel just to carry on, even if it means to feel pain, i gotta feel it.
because when i feel nothing, and i act all 'i'm on top' and shit, i actually get physically ill.
my life has been conditioned to this.
it's like my body and mind thrive on pain and drama. i need violence, and outbursts, and tears. or else i don't feel much of anything.
that's sad, but it's my life, it's me, and this is what i know.
britney toxic /credit unknown

This is sooooo true....maybe


When a guy calls you
he wants to be with you

When a guy is quiet,
He's listening to you

When a guy is not arguing,
He realizes he's wrong

When a guy says, "I'm fine," after a few minutes,
he means it

When a guy stares at you,
he thinks you're the most beautiful thing in the world

When you're laying you head on a guy's chest
he has the world

When a guy calls you everyday
he is in love

When a (good) guy say he loves you
he means it

When a guy says he can't live without you
he's with you till your done

When a guy says, "I miss you,"
he misses you more than you could have ever missed him or anything else


When a girl is quiet,
millions of things are running through her mind.

When a girl is not arguing,
she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions,
she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a girl answers, "I'm fine," after a few seconds,
she is not at all fine.

When a girl stares at you,
she is wondering why you are so wonderful.

When a girl lays on your chest,
she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a girl calls you everyday,
she is seeking your attention.

When a girl wants to see you everyday,
she wants to be pampered.

When a girl says, "I'll love you forever,"
she means it.

When a girl says that she can't live without you,
she has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a girl says, "I miss you,"
no one in this world can miss you more than that.
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Just do it.

Reply to this entry by posting a picture of yourself in the comments, then post this sentence in your own journal.
Let's see who's not shy out there ;)
& here:

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music pirate / credit unknown

Music music Music.

So I'm ringing in the New Year by jammin' out to songs I adore. My playlist at 5:09 a.m Jan 1, 2006 ------------

  1. Beverly Hills - Weezer
  2. Stickwitu - Pussycat Dolls
  3. Tainted Love / Where Did Our Love Go - Pussycat Dolls
  4. A Moment Like This - Kelly Clarkson
  5. I Hate Myself For Losing You - Kelly Clarkson
  6. Come Clean - Hilary Duff
  7. She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5
  8. Harder To Breathe - Maroon 5
  9. Toxic (Peter Rauhofsen Reconstruction Mix) - Britney Spears
  10. Like Toy Soldiers - Eminem
  11. Maritime - Isis
  12. Maritime (Mike Patton Remix) - Isis
  13. Novocaine For The Soul by Moog Cookbook - Eels
  14. My Descent Into Madness - Eels
  15. Lullaby - The Cure
  16. Wonderwall - Oasis
  17. Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve
  18. Just Like Heaven - The Cure
  19. Stupid Girl - Cold
  20. Lightning Crashes - Live
  21. I Alone  - Live

Speaking of playlists, how come noone has joined

playlistcentral ????? Do none of you play music or make any lists at all??? =/

It will be a fun place.  Just share your playlists, and talk about music, and have fun, and there will be a weekly theme contest.

Happy New Year.

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kill me now and make it quick

I'm sicker than what. I can't sleep right, can't breathe right, cough, and sneeze continually. Either my nose is running or my eyes are. I would love to just sleep it off, but just laying in bed being not tired is so tedious and hard to do if I'm not already sleepy. That sucks. I was still awake when J went off to work which was about 6 something this morning. I finally did go to sleep, but god, it was only after I took 5 sleeping pills, chugged some cough medicine and took my regular dose of pills in the morning. Am I that tolerated to meds?? Sheesh.

Ugh. I hate being sick. I turn into the biggest baby ever. I just hate that my body doesn't feel 'normal' anymore, ya understand?? It scares me too. Everytime I get sick, I think I'm dying. I'm not THAT dramatic about it, it's just what goes through my head.

In other news, J is a horrible discipliner. When it comes to Lola, she's got him wrapped around her finger. He believes that she should never be in a cage. I try to tell him different and he comes up with all these excuses, and I'm like 'fine okay whatever fucking forget it' Now, when we try to put her in her cage, she throws a hissy fit. She bites the bars and shakes the cage, making noise. Or if we let her just wander around our room, she scratches at the carpeting and the door itself. And of course, J gets all angry because he HAS to get some sleep for work, and he likes NO interruptions. But still, he won't do anything except placate her. Letting her have her way. He tells me now that ferrets were not meant to live in a cage. He says, "Well what if you were...." And I think, "My god, is he actually asking me what it's like to be a ferret? FUCK IF I KNOW" But now he wants a calmer ferret. He thinks Lola's too boisterous. I said, "STOP. You can't always mold life into what YOU want it to BE." And this makes him get all hissy fitted himself. Oy.

I'm glad he's at work. I couldn't stand to hear another football game being played. Or him excitedly running into the bedroom to tell me something excitng about the game that just happened lol He's REALLY INTO football, my god. But I did feel bad that I didn't even sleep next to him in bed last night. But I just couldn't, I wasn't even tired at all, and when I did try, I couldn't breathe for shit. Felt like someone put cotton up my nose. Oh well. =/

Yeah so, I don't want to leave the house again until July, at least. This cold out here is killing me. Since I'm always at home now, unless I keep the car, but that's rare, the moment I go outside, my body can't handle it. I'M THE GIRL LIVING IN THE PLASTIC BUBBLE. ha. And so I am getting sick and sicker. I Hate it.
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Fishie go pook pook pook

Ahhh, me sitting at puter again. I just woke up. After I took one of my meds earlier, it knocked me out. Which is a good thing. Lately, I've been trying to get as much sleep as I can. There just never seems to be enough. Checked the mail, a bill from People Magazine arrived. I subscribe to People and US Weekly lol I neeeeeed paparazzi photos and celebrity gossip in my diet. So, first thing next month I'll write out a check for the both of those.
J got a job!! He's working as administrative assistant somewhere. Yeah, I have selective hearing. But he started today, so all is well there. I swear to God, if I heard that fucking Madden 06' soundtrack ONE more time...that game is like crack to him. It's funny.
Last night I talked to my niece. She was sooooo bubbly and energetic. When was the last time I had that much energy? Oh, right, I was 10. But she was all giggles and everything. She and I held a convo for close to an hour. I liked the fact that she was sleeping over my parents house. Gives my mom some company. She never leaves the house, and well, like me, doesn't have friends to call or come over. So it's good for her to have company, with energy to boot.
Me and J went to Wal Mart last night. We spent like a half an hour in the body soap aisle. Sniffing things. People probably looked at us weird as we had a corner of Irish Spring stuffed up one nostril. LOL But he's like me, the scent has to be pleasing to my tastes for me to buy it. I don't go by fancy words or what it could do, I go by scent lol. My younger sis is the same way. And I swear to God, I know Wal Mart doesn't really put ALOT of new stuff out on the shelves, but I walk into Wal Mart acting like they do. I just HAVE to look everywhere, at everything. I think something is done to you when you walk through the doors. Or the door greeter must be saying something hypnotic.
Me: I'm only here for one thing J, won't take long.
I pass door greeter.
DG: Hi. Welcome to Wal Mart.
Me: (talking to J - gets cut off - turns head) Thank You (to door greeter)
(cue gong sound)
Me: I'll be somewhere over here looking at stuff.
(3 hours later - still looking)
Wal Mart is evil!!!!!! lol
And I am bored now, so I should close out before I really bore myself to death
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